When I'm having a particularly tough time and I need to battle negative thinking, gain perspective, or find motivation to do something healthy for myself, I have two fail-safe resources. The first is my therapist, an amazing woman who has helped me see the light during some of my darkest moments and helped me navigate some of the most difficult changes and self-discovery I have encountered. The second is an incredible online resource you have likely heard of: TED Talks.
I love TED Talks because of the diverse range of information presented. Want to learn a thing or two about teaching children? It's on there. Ever wonder what happens when a neuroanatomist has a stroke? Wonder no longer; the stroke survivor and brilliant mind of an amazing women is alive and well to tell you about it. Interested in orgasms? Having trouble dealing with a breakup? Looking to change careers? Struggling with infidelity? Fascinated by urban gardening? Seriously, it's all on there and beautifully presented by some of the most intelligent minds on this planet.
This morning a TED Talk article by psychologist Guy Winch popped up in my Facebook feed that I highly recommend reading: Why Rejection Hurts So Much and What to do About It. After reading his words of wisdom, suck it up and spend seventeen minutes of your life watching the video at the bottom of the article: Why We All Need to Practice Emotional First Aid.
Having always been the annoyingly studious type (and I say this jokingly because I actually like this about myself), I jotted down a couple of notes as I listened to the talk:
- Change your responses to failure and battle negative thinking. Easier said than done, but an important reminder to fight the urge of the negative self-talk loop that I frequently find myself navigating. This is what Dr. Winch had to say about it:
"Our mind is hard to change once we become convinced. So it might be very natural to feel demoralized and defeated after you fail. But you cannot allow yourself to become convinced you can't succeed. You have to fight feelings of helplessness. You have to gain control over the situation. And you have to break this kind of negative cycle before it begins." - When you find yourself ruminating on something negative, spend two minutes distracting yourself to break the cycle. My homework for the week is to force myself to think about something entirely different, preferably positive, when I inevitably find myself playing a negative memory or scene over and over in my mind. Again, this is what Dr. Winch stated:
"When you're in emotional pain, treat yourself with the same compassion you would expect from a truly good friend. We have to catch our unhealthy psychological habits and change them. One of unhealthiest and most common is called rumination. To ruminate means to chew over. It's when your boss yells at you, or your professor makes you feel stupid in class, or you have [a] big fight with a friend and you just can't stop replaying the scene in your head for days, sometimes for weeks on end. Ruminating about upsetting events in this way can easily become a habit, and it's a very costly one... Studies tell us that even a two-minute distraction is sufficient to break the urge to ruminate in that moment."
One of my greatest mental health challenges has always been stopping the voice within myself telling me that I am not good enough, that I am a failure, that I am somehow undeserving of love and compassion. I found this particular TED Talk uplifting and a reminder to focus on being kind to myself every day regardless of whether I feel good or bad. If I am kind to myself when I feel down, I am instantly comforted because I know I care about myself enough to treat myself with compassion. When I feel content, I try to be kind to myself as a reminder that I am allowed to feel happy and at peace. Negativity becomes a habit, and it is easy to inadvertently believe that it should be my normal state of being.
For the last several years, I have spoken openly about my personal battle with mental health issues. Why? Because I was taught not to. The rebel deep inside my soul knows that keeping this part of ourselves hidden is the worst way to find a sense of contentment and peace. We should allow ourselves to be loved as whole beings, not just the parts we are taught to show. If the people teaching me weren't going to break the stigma of depression and other mental struggles, then dammit, I was going to shed some light on the taboo topic and prove that one can be well and live a positive, enriching life despite a so-called "negative" mental health diagnosis.
While I have indeed faced some truly ugly criticism from the occasional fellow human (Get over it! It's all in your head! Or worse: You shouldn't talk about that kind of thing.), the vast majority of people willing to open up in response to my unabashed honesty have admitted to struggling with depression, anxiety, obsessive-compulsive behavior, etc. Through therapy and discussions with the multitude of health professionals I have seen over the years, it has been made abundantly clear to me that taking care of my mental wellbeing is just as important as eating well, exercising, and getting enough sleep. With this in mind, my favorite part of Dr. Winch's presentation was his final point:
"By taking action when you're lonely, by changing your responses to failure, by protecting your self-esteem, by battling negative thinking, you won't just heal your psychological wounds, you will build emotional resilience, you will thrive. A hundred years ago, people began practicing personal hygiene, and life expectancy rates rose by over 50 percent in just a matter of decades. I believe our quality of life could rise just as dramatically if we all began practicing emotional hygiene.
16:42Can you imagine what the world would be like if everyone was psychologically healthier? If there were less loneliness and less depression? If people knew how to overcome failure? If they felt better about themselves and more empowered? If they were happier and more fulfilled?... And if you just become informed and change a few simple habits, well, that's the world we can all live in."
I could not agree more.
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