As a young child, I remember lying awake, frustrated, because the clock would indicate that it was approaching midnight and I was still awake. I complained about it all the time, but my parents never had a good answer. "Just relax and go to sleep," they'd tell me. I tried, but it never worked. I could never relax.
After my second daughter was born and postpartum depression slammed me like an avalanche, my sleep habits became even worse. Both my girls were fat, healthy babies and great sleepers. In fact, at a few months old, they both slept through the night regularly. Me? Everyone told me to sleep when the baby sleeps. But no, not me. I was wide awake, the exhaustion turning into adrenal fatigue. It was nature's little joke on me - the beautifully sleeping newborns and the dysphoric, manic mind. I felt like my skin was crawling every time I tried to close my eyes and fall asleep. I simply couldn't sleep and often went days on end with no sleep at all or a meager two hours here and there. The less I slept, the less capable I was of actually falling asleep.
I have a hypothesis that my inability to sleep is what knocked me over the cliff into the abyss of psychosis. I believed, truly, that everyone would be okay and that it was no big deal if I slit my wrists. I would finally sleep, and everyone could move forward with life. I tried explaining my reasoning to my husband amongst a babble of god-knows-what else, who of course responded by taking me to a mental health crisis center. Obviously, I realize how insane that all sounds now, but I wasn't well at the time.
Many years later, I am a much better sleeper in general than I used to be for a few reasons, though I admit fully that some nights I still struggle. First, I learned I have food allergies that cause intestinal inflammation. I had dealt with the discomfort and pain for so long that I no longer recognized that I was uncomfortable. Eliminating the allergens from my diet and losing the pain was one of the most amazing feelings I have ever experienced. As it turns out, abdominal pain had spent many nights waking me up and not allowing me to sleep deeply.
I also try to get just the right amount of weekly exercise. Too much and I struggle with physical fatigue that makes it difficult for me to relax; too little and I feel down and struggle with anxiety that keeps me awake. Along with a well-balanced diet, I feel healthy and sufficiently tired at the end of the day if I can hit that exercise sweet spot.
I have tried using melatonin, but it unfortunately makes my mind race, which can lead to anxiety attacks. So, when I am feeling fairly stressed before bedtime, I take an all-natural sleep aid called "Alteril". It gets mixed reviews, but it does a pretty good job quieting my restless mind when all else fails.
Finally, my most recent reason for better sleep is a trick that works more often than not: meditation. Hold on - don't roll your eyes. I know it sounds new-age and like I should be holding a crystal over my forehead, but hear me out. Before going to bed, I spend fifteen minutes lying on my back in Savasana on the floor while I listen to meditative music. During those fifteen minutes, I focus on relaxing every part of my body using my breath to release tension starting at my head and ending with my toes. Or sometimes I can't focus on that, so I allow my mind to create a peaceful picture and I imagine being in that place. I admit I completely suck at meditation because it is extremely difficult for me to lie still, but I swear it helps a lot. When I finally do go to bed, I feel much more peaceful and my mind usually ceases to run a marathon.
Do you have any favorite sleep tricks?
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