A Constant Battle

Yesterday, I ran the Seattle Hot Chocolate 15K. Finally healed from a raging sinus infection, I was a little worried I would have some difficulty with this race, but I ended up finishing with a decent and consistent pace. Unfortunately, about four miles in I realized my old nemesis had crept into the race, which made the last several miles a bit of a mental fight for me.

Tachycardia is a pain to deal with. Recently, my resting pulse rate was so high that I scared my doctor until we had the "oh yeah... remember? This is normal for me..." conversation when my heart was pounding at a rate higher than 100 PBM just sitting on the exam table. A little white coat syndrome knocks my already-quick resting pulse to what some runners experience during a warm-up jog.

The cardiologist I met with years ago did a number of tests and monitoring then determined that while my pulse is indeed rather fast and that I do struggle with heart palpitations, my heart is healthy and activities such as running are safe as long as I don't overdo it. His recommendation was to ensure I am properly hydrated. Beyond my morning black coffee and a little wine on the weekend, I'm a water drinker. If I'm not gulping water, I'm sipping hot decaf tea. When I explained this to the cardiologist, he told me that water is simply not enough to keep me hydrated, and that I have to be drinking something with electrolytes. I've mentioned before that NUUN is my go-to electrolyte drink because it's the least sugary-tasting supplement I have found to date (sugary drinks gross me out - hence my hate for sodas - instead, give me all of the salt!!).

Well, despite prepping the day before by drinking NUUN, I realized about four miles into yesterday's race that my stomach was beginning to ache in that way that means my pulse is too high. Glancing at my watch, it was reading 180 BPM, which is high even for me. My legs felt great, my breathing was even, but dammit - my heart always gives out long before the rest of me feels tired.

I forced myself to walk through every aid station so I could gulp down two cups of NUUN and chase it with a cup of water. By the time I reached the 6-mile mark, the race had turned to downhill but my pulse was still much higher than it would normally be. After hydrating carefully at each aid station, though, the pain in my stomach went away and my chest no longer felt tight.

The mental struggle was tough. Because my legs and the rest of my body felt good, I wanted to speed up during the last half the way I normally do during a race. I couldn't because my pulse was having difficulty slowing down to my body's "safe zone".

Nevertheless, I felt proud of how I did yesterday. The Seattle race is extremely hilly and difficult, and I managed to keep my overall pace at a 9'43"/mile average (according to my GPS) despite everything going on. I felt pleased that I was able to push the ego aside and hold back on the speed even though my legs begged to run faster. I also learned a few things, which I'd like to share.

1. I should probably follow up with a new cardiologist. It's been awhile and my overall physical condition has changed quite a bit since my last appointment. Collapsing mid-race would be stupid if it's avoidable.
2. Running the long, intense uphills without stopping was something made possible by all the mountain-training runs I've been doing this year.
3. My endurance is increasing, and I know this because the middle of the race, which was all uphill, felt better than the first few miles once I got my heart rate under control. 
4. I still dislike running downhill; I find it more exhausting than uphill running, oddly.
5. I need to measure the amount of liquids I am consuming the day before a long race from now on. Obviously, I didn't get enough the day before, and this could have been avoided.
6. I looked awful during this race. Like, seriously stressed out. Usually, I'm smiling in all my photos, but the look on my face is pretty accurate to how I was feeling. Because I have no shame, I'm sharing one of my official race photos so you, too, can get a good laugh. You have to zoom in to see the bags under my eyes and the straining in my throat. 

See those folks in short sleeves behind me?
It was 37°F with a cold wind. They're nuts.
Also, my awesome Crane Tights are from
INKnBURN, naturally.

I didn't previously mention this because I chose to focus on my tachycardia today, but I also want to share that my daughter ran the 5K the hour before my race began, and she rocked it, of course. This was taken post-race, which is a little more flattering than my end-of-race photo.

Me and my awesome little runner kid!

Eleven Days and Counting

I'm not entirely sure I trust the research that states a habit is formed in about 21 days because I feel it's a bit of a one-size-fits-all concept, but being ten days away from that magic number makes me feel somewhat confident that my New Year's resolutions of daily meditation and removing my sweat-soaked workout clothes from the bathtub once they're finished drying are actually sustainable goals.

To keep track of meditations, I have an app on my phone called "Calm" that I highly recommend. Each day, there is a 10-minute meditation that focuses on a positive message in addition to a ton of guided meditations that target whatever you feel you need to focus on at any given moment. One of my favorite features is a section called "Sleep Stories", which is a collection of bedtime stories that lull you to sleep. Yes, you read that correctly. I know it sounds weird, but it actually works really well for me. I've mentioned before that I'm a terrible sleeper, and I have noticed a significant difference in my ability to both fall and stay asleep when I listen to them.

I am so incredibly zen. Look at that, y'all!

My two resolutions were so simple that I inadvertently added a third one without giving it much thought: writing down my daily exercise. I prefer to get some form of exercise seven days a week, and a bare minimum exercise week for me involves five days of some form of deliberate activity - running, walking, yoga, strengthening, and dance - but I have never been very good about keeping track of it. Using my Runner's World Training Log, I decided to jot down notes about my workout every day, which I actually found extremely motivating during last week's illness.

Admit it. You're jealous of my desktop zen
garden featuring miniature Gnomie McZen.

While I was too sick to run my usual distances, I still managed to log over 15 miles between easy runs and walking. Normally, I would feel disappointed in such low mileage, but I'm rather proud of myself for taking it easy and substituting the running with walking and gentle PT exercises that were completely doable. Writing it all down helped me stay reasonable with my activity choices and still helped me feel accomplished.

If you haven't added a resolution or two to help you get the New Year going but you would like to try adding a positive habit to your life, I really do recommend giving the exercise log and/or daily meditation a try. Like I said before, I'm not a huge fan of resolutions, but I am really enjoying these two small changes to my life.

As for the pile of workout clothes... I still hate doing laundry, but at least my bathroom looks neat and tidy.

The Beginning of a Good Thing

Four years ago, I was in the worst shape of my life. Due to a random favor of genetics stemming from the line of tall, lean humanoids in my family, I was not overweight. My 5'6" body, however, was soft and somewhat flabby in all the wrong places, my energy level comparable to that of a sloth's, my exercise and eating habits at an all-time low. I walked somewhat regularly and enjoyed hiking, but that was the extent of my physical activity.

I had lost all the baby weight gained from growing and birthing two giant infants, but I had never returned to my previous early-twenties professional ballroom dancer physique. While I did not expect my body to appear identical to my pre-baby state, I did expect to eventually feel strong and healthy again. Much to my despair, neither attribute reappeared willingly. Mental illness, prescription medication, and a stressful career involving sitting on my rump in front of a computer several hours a day did not help my physical state, either. What a shocker, right?

At the height of my unhealthiness, I backpacked the Grand Canyon for the second time in my life. Yes, I realize that I had to be in somewhat decent shape to handle that kind of rigorous activity, but trust me, I was miserable. Not evident in the photo below was my belly bulging over the top of my pants - I really should have sized up, but I had ordered them online and did not have time nor the money to purchase a new pair before the trip. I remember hoping they would stretch out over the few days I would be wearing them - they didn't - and discreetly unbuttoning them to sit comfortably. Also not shown was the fact that a bipolar trigger had me pondering the very real possibility of stepping off over a cliff and putting an end to it all. Don't let the lovely red rock behind me and cute headband fool you. That smirk on my face says it all. I was not well, physically or mentally, when this photo was taken.

Stuffing my face with an energy bar while backpacking in 2012.

When we returned home from that trip, we were faced with some of the most stressful months of our lives as we sold a house that had been built in 1900 and moved our family to a new home in a much safer neighborhood. I am fairly certain I gained a few pounds and was in even worse shape after that, but there appears to be a lack of photographic evidence; probably because I shied away from the camera knowing I was going to feel bad about what I saw. That wasn't who I wanted to be, and I was miserable.

In hindsight, the move to our new house was where my journey to health began.

So what changed? Almost everything. I switched to primarily eating a whole-foods, plant-based diet, began exercising several times per week, made some great friends, and most importantly, I decided I wanted to live a healthy life. Sounds easy, right? No, I'm kidding. I know that none of the life choices I made were easy. They took years to incorporate, and they are a constant work in progress. But they were essential, and they eventually became habit to my state of being.

It all started with diet. Having been raised in a health-conscious family, I was well aware that frequent eating out, loads of carbohydrates and sugar, and highly processed foods blah blah blah were, in general, a bad idea. With an hour-long commute into Seattle, two young daughters, and full-time jobs, cooking dinner daily seemed impossible. It wasn't, but it took some time to figure out how to meal plan and do the shopping on the weekends to ensure we didn't pick up crap from a drive-through on our way home.

Next, I made a wonderful friend who lives only two doors down. Usually too reserved to seek out new friendships, I happened to get into a long conversation with her over wine at another neighbor's fire pit get-together one night. We had a ton in common with young children, similar upbringings, type A personalities, and instantly became good friends. One day several months after moving to the neighborhood, we had a text conversation that went like this:

A:    Want to come to a hot yoga class with me?

Me:  No.

A:    You should really come with me.

Me:  OMG no. Not happening.

A:     Please? You would LOVE it! Your body feels AMAZING afterwards!

Me:  Okay fine. I'll do one class with you. ONE CLASS.

Three years later, I am still hooked on hot yoga, particularly the power vinyasa classes. It's all my friend's fault, and I am forever grateful that she convinced my unwilling, stubborn (flabby) ass to leave the house and sweat miserably, all limbs shaking pathetically, in 105-degree heat. That week following my first yoga class, I experienced whole-body muscle soreness that rivaled the intensity of birthing my second daughter in the middle of my living room (true story).

I started slowly, taking one class a week for a few months. When recovering from the muscle soreness in between classes limited itself to only a couple days, then I started going twice per week. I have kept that habit for nearly three years now, and I went from struggling to hold Downward Dog for more than a few breaths to enjoying all kinds of crazy poses that I never thought I would be able to do.

Amazing capris and top from INKnBURN.
And yes, my walls really are painted like that.

October 2016 - Pasty White Girl Yoga Skillz

Months after beginning yoga, my friend once again convinced me to do something I considered borderline insane. That conversation went something like this:

A:    I want you to run a half marathon with me.

Me:  No. I hate running. 

A:    You should really run a half marathon with me. You would LOVE it.

Me:  In the event of a zombie apocalypse, I'd willingly be eaten first just so I don't have to run. 

A:    Please? It's not until June, so you have plenty of time to train.

Me:  Ugh... I'll think about it.

Eighteen weeks later, I crossed the finish line of that race having run the entire 13.1 miles. It was tough and I may have cried a little along the way, but I did it.

2014 Seattle Rock 'n' Roll Half Marathon Finish Line

And thus began the start of an incredible few-year journey to where I am today. I am in the best shape of my life, and yet, I have so many more physical and mental health goals to achieve. None of it has been easy, but if I have learned anything in the last four years, it is that health is definitely worth the uphill battle.